Thursday, May 22, 2014

To what end?

I've been doing a lot of thinking since I got my thinking capacity back. It started last week when I  saw this Kickstarter video by a woman who's trying to raise money to make a movie about body image.
Watch it here. Then come back.

Ok, I know, right? Were you crying? I know. Me too. It made me think a LOT about my stupid little belly...which is little! I'm bummed that it's not flat. WHY? What right do I, a 40-something mother of two, have wanting the abs I had when I was 25? It reminded me of this stand-up bit I saw — I think it was Louis C.K.— where he's talking about middle-aged people getting plastic surgery and he says something along the lines of,
"Why should you get to look 25 when the rest of us have sagging faces?" (If anyone knows who this was, send me the link.)
It's so true!
Why should I get to look 25?

I talked about this with Queenie and Jina on Friday night and Queenie even said something along these lines:
"You've had 2 kids! You have a little belly! You eat all day and then your belly pops out after dinner! That's NORMAL!"

I know. You're right. You're right!

And then the next day my friend Jenn really drove it home for me. She asked,
"What kind of food reaction are we talking about here? How bad is it?"
And I wanted to pay her $200.00 for the consultation.
I just kind of laughed and said, "You're right. I mean, I know I can't handle peppers, but it's never been so bad that I've had to stop eating them."

My sister is lactose intolerant to the point that she's doubled over in pain for hours if she has the smallest amount of dairy.

That has NEVER happened to me with any food. NEVER. (not including food poisoning)

Jenn continued to tell me about her recent revelation where she asked herself why was she chasing this fountain of youth? She'd recently been to Florida and told me that everyone on the beach was just hanging out in their bathing suits, people of all shapes and sizes—happy. Not seeming to care.
"Some were even playing frisbee!" she laughed.

I nodded my head. She's right.
I'm middle-aged. I'm not looking for a date. I'm not entering a swimsuit contest any time ever. Lefty tells me I'm beautiful.

Maybe this all comes down to:
I'm RIDICULOUS! You all know that. Some of you even tell me (Lefty, Queenie, Lefty + Queenie ganging up on me at the same time.)

I can't say that I've suddenly just accepted my body the way it is and that I'm not going to add a core workout to my routine now and then.
But I'm working on accepting my body in its current state. Because honestly, in real-world standards, it's not so bad.

I did this experiment because I thought I was having digestive issues (and I do, but not severely) but really, honestly, I wanted my belly to not pop out so much when I eat.
But why?
To what end?

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