But I have to give her a bit of a break - when she was my age, it was the pre-Jane Fonda work-out tapes era and decades before cross fit gyms. The only exercise women got in the '70s involved chasing children and doing housework sprinkled with a couple trips to the Y where they stood with those beige bands wrapped around them shaking their asses.
The fear of the skinny girl is being the skinny girl who then became fat. You know, like when Bender describes it to Claire in The Breakfast Club.
"She used to be so skinny!" They'll say. "She really let herself go." They whisper. Or even worse, the snickers!! (yum, snickers. Wait no, not that kind).
See, when you're skinny, other women say to you, "You're so skinny!" But not in a friendly way. The tone is usually accusing like you're skinny just to piss them off. And that there's no way I'm allowed to have body issues.
Well, clearly, I have body issues. And I'm allowed! Sure, a psychologist might disagree with me here, and I know I probably shouldn't have body issues, but I do things my own way, m'kay? I'm SORRY!
This is why I obsess about my damn belly. I'm sure there are women who would kill to have my belly. I'm SORRY! But do you want a belly that sticks out further than your boobs? I didn't think so. But that's what I have. Boobs are 2 things I was not blessed with. And if my belly didn't bloat beyond my bra size, I probably wouldn't be so concerned about it
All that being said, I am not doing this regimen to lose weight. I know I don't need to lose weight. I'm SORRY! But I have a host of issues beyond body image, one of them my belly, that I'm trying to figure out with the diet.
I hope that this clears the air about my belly and why I was posting pictures of it. I don't expect anyone to understand or to care, and am not looking for sympathy. But just so you don't think I'm crazy or on the verge of anorexia, that's my story. I blame the Title Nine catalog for part of it. The other part is just pure neuroses.
p.s. I'm sucking in my belly here a little.
photo credit: Nina Heck Cousins
p.p.s. I'm not really sorry for anything. Except the picture of me eating meat on a stick. I HATE this picture!!! I like it from the padded bikini top up because I think that's totally sexy. From the bikini top to the top of my bikini bottoms, vomit.